Category Archives: relationships

The Case for Being Not-Always Great

“The only thing that makes people and organizations great is their willingness to be not great along the way. The desire to fail on the way to reaching a bigger goal is the untold secret of success.”              ~ Seth Godin

Sometimes the biggest gains can only happen when we give up the quest for perfection in everything we do. Of course, the paradox here is that by letting go of perfection, we make room for excellence – at work, at play and at rest…

The question is, what are you willing to be not great at – in order to reach your goals and vision?

Asking For What You’re Worth

“There are three kinds of pipe. There’s what you have, which is garbage – and you can see where that’s gotten you. There’s bronze, which is pretty good, unless something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong. Then, there’s copper, which is the only pipe I use. It costs money. It costs money because it saves money.” ~ from the movie Moonstruck

When you are an entrepreneur of any kind, one thing you have to do, sooner or later, is  set your price. If you are selling a product, this may be a little bit easier than if you are selling a service. When pricing a service, however, many people struggle with asking for what they are worth. Coaches, consultants, virtual assistants, designers, organizers, writers, artists, chefs, speakers, etc. must all, at some point, take an unflinching look at what they are worth. Which may or may not be very different from what they think people are willing to pay for their services.

Often, I work with clients on their fees. Many undervalue themselves.  And, rarely, I see someone who has an over-inflated sense of their value. (These people are usually in their chosen profession for the money, rather than to offer value.) Finally, there is the occasional person who is comfortable with asking a fair price for what they are worth. So, how do we become that person, if we aren’t already?

There are several simple steps to asking for, and receiving what you are worth. First, do your homework and find out the general ballpark of fees and pricing structure for comparable businesses. Next, pick a dollar amount that you can believe in, and that does not undervalue you, your experience, or the profession. When someone asks what you charge, tell them with confidence (no apologies, or instant discounts or deal making needed) and then – and this is the biggie – politely ask them for their business. It can be something like “When would you like to begin?” Too often, people forget this important, critical step.

One bold way of setting your fees is to pick a number you feel comfortable with, and then double it. Once, I came across the fees of a coach I greatly admire. Her fees were SO high, they felt like Monopoly money. And, to top it off, she required a 6 month commitment. Looking at the number, I went (and pretty quickly, I might add) from laughing off the ridiculously high number to trying to figure out how I could make it work. Even though I didn’t hire her at that time, it was a valuable lesson for me in asking what you are worth. We can be too quick to make up stories to ourselves that revolve around “They can’t afford me.”

One client of mine had a major revelation today which was that she was more comfortable initiating the “money conversation” than waiting with fear for her potential client to ask. She’s right, of course. When we can be proactive and calm, this conversation just goes better. She had practiced what she felt comfortable asking for, so she didn’t get tongue-tied in the moment.

If you are experienced,  at some point you will want to raise your fees. It has been said that the perfect time to do this is when you are doing all the business you can handle. One litmus paper test for me is when I hear a brand new coach or two asking  almost as much as I am charging, and me with 10 years experience, and multiple credentials.

The last time I raised my rates ( finally!) I remember clearly how I felt the first time I said the new rate aloud for a potential client. After I told her my (new) fee, it got really quiet. That is, if you don’t count her quick intake of breath. Or, maybe it was mine. When she finally spoke she said, “Wow, that is really a premium rate! You must be worth it. Let’s begin!!”

Music to my ears…

The Camera Doesn’t Lie

“The authentic self is the soul made visible.”                                        ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach 

Helping a friend select some new photos from the 78 best ones that her photographer sent her was a fascinating experience. First, even though she doesn’t necessarily think so, she looked great in many of the shots. There were ones taken in her front yard, backyard, with various backgrounds, in her kitchen and on her front porch. Black and white as well as color. Some with glasses, and others without.  I kept scrolling through them all, trying to narrow it down. Some differences were so subtle, like just the tilt of the chin, it was hard to discern one from the another in terms of preference.

But, and here’s the big takeaway for me, the ones I liked best were the ones that looked just like her. The person who has the warm smile, the twinkle in her eye, like she is just waiting to share a wonderful story with you. Those are the photos that you feel who she is authentically. She is being herself, relaxed for the moment, and not to worried about the uncomfortable task of having photo after photo taken. Those photos spoke to me because each one is beautiful for not only the outer, but the inner beauty that shines through.

What would it be like for the rest us to let the world see the best of who we are, especially when we are being ourselves, I wonder?

Your Best…YOU

“Why don’t you just concentrate on being the best you you can be?” ~ from the movie The Social Network

As we navigate through life, it can be easy to get caught up in what others think of us. We may be afraid to disappoint them, or may be trying so hard to live up to the expectations placed on us, we can lose sight of what is authentic and real. For us….

I Gotta Be ME (sing it, Sammy)…

Today, as I was writing my monthly coaching newsletter about being authentic, these are the lyrics I couldn’t get out of my head, so I thought I’d share:

“I GOTTA BE ME ~ SAMMY DAVIS JR.

Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am

I want to live, not merely survive
And I won’t give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am

That far-away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call
I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less
As long as there’s a chance that I can have it all

I’ll go it alone, that’s how it must be
I can’t be right for somebody else
If I’m not right for me
I gotta be free, I’ve gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I’ve gotta be me

I’ll go it alone, that’s how it must be
I can’t be right for somebody else
If I’m not right for me
I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I gotta be me”

…if they are stuck in your head now, my apologies!

The Art of Being a Gracious Host

“Be our guest, be our guest,put our service to the test…” ~ from the Disney movie and musical, Beauty and the Beast

As many of us have recognized, there is a definite art to being a gracious, congenial host in a professional setting. Our guests might be professional colleagues, or leaders who have been invited to do one or more of the following: posting on our blog (or even commenting) joining us on a telecall or webinar, writing a forward in our book or being a speaker at an event we are hosting – as such these people are our colleagues and should be treated with professional courtesy. Our guests might also be the invited audience who is enjoying and participating in one of these opportunities. And, here is gets a bit more complex, even if we are only hosting the guest blogger, the speaker, etc., it is still our responsibility, as hosts, to treat the audience members with the utmost respect.

When we fail at being congenial, generous and respectful hosts to either group, we are ultimately the ones who will suffer. We are the ones who can come off looking boorish, rude and inhospitable. Sometimes we can miss the mark entirely, and even alienate those very people we are trying to win over. It may be ignorance or insensitivity, unawareness on how we are being perceived as a host; a sense of being a know-it-all, having a superior attitude, or even bit of a bully of some variety.

If you are a member of a group that has extended an invitation, even if – NO, especially if – you were not a big fan of the idea, it is your absolute responsibility to be a good host. Recently, I was a speaker at an event where the leader of the group was not a good host. At all. I was taken aback, because when the invitation was extended to me by another member of the group, it was a genuine, heartfelt and very gracious offer, one that was an honor for me to say yes to. Imagine my surprise when this leader was repeatedly rude, pushing her own agenda, and disrespectful of me, my credentials, and the plain and simple fact I was an invited  guest. Her actions did not go unnoticed, and by her selfish, inhospitable behavior, she managed to alienate several potential members of the group, who later told me that they would not be participating (or paying the membership fee) based solely on her actions. What a shame.

The long and short of it is – treat your guests, no matter which category they fall into, with the utmost respect, and how you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. A smile and a few warm words can go a long way. And if you have absolutely nothing good to say, for the sake of everyone else, please SHUT UP!!

**Tomorrow…The Art of Being a Courteous Guest

How Inviting is your Invitation?

“Say what you mean and mean what you say.” ~ Anonymous 

Yesterday I received an email from a local yarn shop that I visit once or twice a year. It’s kind of a trek from where I live, so  there needs to be a compelling reason for me to visit. A yarn sale would definitely qualify, for these are rare in the world of fine knitting yarns. This email flyer mentions briefly that there is a sale, lost somewhere in the middle of the text. The wording wasn’t warm and welcoming, and didn’t entice me to drop by for a visit.

In fact, since I don’t shop there often, I have no idea what “insatiable knitter’s cards” even are. Would they REALLY accept chocolate as payment? Birthday Party? When, and who is Diane? What this did was make me feel was kind of excluded – like when everybody knows the in-jokes and I don’t. I’m not a part of their inner circle. (Yarn shops can be very elitist; that is, if you don’t hang out there often, knitting and chatting, taking classes, etc., you are an outsider. Sometimes, you even have to climb over the regulars who are hanging out to see the merchandise.)

Now, I know that was the last thing in the world this excited  yarn shop with the birthday wants their customers to feel. They would love it if their shop was bursting at the seams all weekend. At least I am guessing it is all weekend, because they also didn’t list their store hours.

Even though we often have the best of intentions, perhaps taking a closer look at how we invite our customers and clients to interact with us is a good idea. We may be sending mixed signals, and driving them away inadvertently.

The words that left me (out in the) cold?

“Happy Friday everyone! We are very excited to continue our birthday celebration today. We can’t wait to see all of you in today to see what goodies you pick up! Disclaimer: * Alright girl’s here the little details. All Yarn, books, bags, kits are on sale. Needles are excluded as well as any previous layaway items as well as held items. All purchases are FINAL.  We accept everything, Cash, Check or Charge even chocolate. No signatures on insatiable knitter’s cards will be given. No additional discounts will be given. If you need your yarn wound, please bring it back at a later date. We’d love to wind it for you. If you need knitting help during this time, you are welcome to call make an appointment, or sign up for our wonderful, community recognized classes. We look forward to seeing you all tomorrow for our birthday party, please be sure to RSVP with Diane!”

‘Tis a Puzzlement!

“The creative attitude first requires the capacity to be puzzled. While most children still have this capacity, most adults believe they ought to know everything – that to be surprised or puzzled by anything  implies ignorance.” ~ Erich Fromm

What could shift if you were able to let go of needing to know the answers? To be able to look at the world with a sense of curiosity, just playing with possibilities. Sometimes, the LAST thing anyone needs is a big old know-it-all. One good thing about not having to know the answers, is that you probably won’t be wrong as often. Instead of making assumptions, it can be liberating to just assume you might not know the true story.

When we let go  of knowing, and embrace the puzzlement and creativity of not knowing, we can open ourselves up to the most amazing discoveries. The true joy lies in merely asking the curious questions and going where your intuition leads you.

Don’t you just love that word – PUZZLED? Who knows where it will lead us…

Leading by Headache?

“You don’t lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership.” ~  Dwight D. Eisenhower            

It can also be a tough lesson to learn when you are passionate about a worthy cause. Something that you truly believe in, and expect others to believe as well. But when leaders realize that true strength comes from leading by example, not by making others feel wrong or that the cause is hopeless, that is when they have the opportunity to step into powerful, inspired leadership.

In my passion for living a greener, more sustainable life. I finally get it! Things go much better for everyone if I don’t make the assumption that others care, and don’t judge them if they don’t. There are some amazing people who care very deeply, and who inspire me everyday, and for that I thank you!

Life is a Journey…

“SAFARI AS A WAY OF LIFE…”

When I first saw the sign in the window of  local trendy clothing boutique Krazy Mary’s, it intrigued me. I kept thinking about it for a week, at odd moments. I wondered what it meant, there in the window. The shop sells the famously popular Tom’s shoes (you know those canvas slip ons that are all about giving – their One for One program gives a child in need a pair of shoes for every pair you purchase.)

So, what does this have to do with “SAFARI AS A WAY OF LIFE” you may be asking? Upon a little research, I discovered that Toms shoes 2011 Spring Collection is based on the life of  Dan Eldon who was the vision behind SAFARI AS A WAY OF LIFE. He was a brilliant, talented photojournalist whose journey ended at age 22. Please watch the clip from the above site for the moving story.

“Dan Eldon was an artist, adventurer and activist. The spunky and incredibly talented Dan left a legacy and a powerful humanitarian spirit that continues to inspire people of all ages all over the world. In fact, a film about Dan Eldon’s story, Journey, is set to be released next year, starring Julia Roberts and Daniel Radcliffe.”

So, Thank You! to Krazy Marys for putting a seemingly random sign in their window. I’m glad I saw it, and for the inspiration and the vision that is continuing with each curious glance. Dan Eldon’s legacy is a powerful one – how can we support it, I wonder?